Warning: ang susunod na kwento na iyong mababasa ay hindi pang freshman at angkop lamang sa mga may gulang 18 taon pataas. Huwag mo na ring basahin kung nababastusan ka sa mga salitang tamod, jakol, suso, at politika. Isarado mo na lang ang facebook at yung porno na kanina mo pa hinihintay matapos; magbasa ka ng dyaryo at tingnan kung may bobong mamamahayag na isinulat ang pangalan ng nanalo sa lotto. I text mo ako (09064493426) at magkita tayo sa ilalim ng blue bridge sa Katipunan; huwag mong kalimutang magdala ng baril at isang piso. Hindi ako makakapagreply sa yo dahil wala akong load.
Sindi ng yosi.
Noong unang panahon, mga apatnapung taon ang nakakalipas... yata. Hindi ako sigurado kung kailan ito nangyari dahil hindi rin naman ako sigurado kung nangyari nga ito. Pero malay mo, maaari rin namang nangyari nga ito; kung may unang panahon nga. May isang napakakisig na binatang batak na batak ang masel dahil sa pag inom ng Revicon. Tawagin na lang natin siya sa pangalang Reginald Candelaria; iba talaga ang pangalan na nasa isip ko ngunit baka mabasa niya ito, dahil meron din pala siyang facebook at friend ko pa pala, at maisipang gumawa ng alamat tungkol sa akin na mas masagwa pa kaysa dito. Nakatayo siya sa gilid ng Sunken Garden sa UP at pinagmamasdan ang mga taong dumaraan. Sigurado akong hindi ito nangyari sa Zen Garden dahil hindi naman daw talaga Zen Garden ang tawag dito. Ang mga lugar lang na may buhangin ang may karapatang kunin ang apelyidong Zen. Sayang, nawala na ang Meron Pond at pinalitan ng sementong fountain na bumubula ang tubig. Kung sabon nga ang sanhi nito, wala nang makakaalam dahil nasa lumang library na ang rebulto ni St. Thomas Moore.
Hithit.
Itinaas ni Reginald ang kanan niyang kamay, hindi para kumaway sa kung sino mang tao na nakilala niya kundi para siya ulit ang pagtuunan ng pansin ng istoryang ito. Mabaho ang kili kili niya dahil sa putok, pero ayos lang iyon dahil siya naman ang bida dito. Ibinaba niya ang kanyang kamay dahil may isang dalagang napadaan at nasuka nang maamoy ang anghit niya. Tiningnan niya nang masama ang dalaga hanggang makarating ito sa tawiran. Huminto yung dalaga nang mapansing may mga sasakyan na dumadaloy sa kalsada. Tumawid lamang siya nang wala nang sasakyan sa kalsada. Buti pa yung dalaga, marunong tumawid nang tama; di tulad ng isang grupo na nakita ko kanina habang naglalakad papunta sa sakayan ng jeep. Basta basta na lang silang tumawid kahit na naka go na ang mga sasakyan na nasa harapan namin. At nagtataka pa rin tayo kung bakit lugmok pa rin sa kahirapan ang Pilipinas. Buti sana kung nasa Ortigas sila kung saan tao ang hari ng kalsada at hindi mga smoke belchers. Sa di kalayuan ay may overpass na punung puno ng mga bangketa na nagtitinda ng kung anu anong bagay. Kaliwa't kanan din ang mga bugaw na nagbebenta ng laman. Hindi mo naman sila masisi nang todo dahil hindi sana nila ito gagawin kung hindi lang pinabayaan ng gobyerno ang sektor na kinabibilangan nila. Ang hirap maghanap ng nag iisang tao na maaaring sisihin at papanagutin sa lahat ng kabulukang nangyayari ngayon. Sisihin na lang natin kung sino man ang nakikita natin sa salamin tuwing umaga. Magpasalamat ka sa kung sino mang diyos na iyong sinasamba kung si Britney Spears ang nakita mo sa salamin... pwera lang kung ikaw nga si Britney Spears.
Buga.
Napalingon si Reginald nang may mapansing nagjo jogging na may malaking suso. Pati ako ay napalingon ngunit napagtanto ko na wala pala ako sa UP. It's too late for isaw you know. Sumikip ang pantalon niya at hindi niya napigilang kumambyo. Tinititigan niya nang mabuti ang dalaga habang nagjo jogging ito. Biglang may isang lalaki ang humarang sa harap niya, nakatitig din ito sa dalaga at napansin niyang kumakambyo din ito. Sumigaw si Reginald, "Hoy! Putang ina! Tumabi ka nga! Baka gusto mong matulad sa South Korea!" Gusto kong ihirit na wala akong pakialam kung ano man ang mangyari sa South Korea at sana nga matalo sila kung magka giyera nga ang dalawa para naman mawala na ang mga Kpop bands. Ngunit hindi nga pala ako yung lalaki at wala ako sa UP; at kung nandun man ako eh hindi ako tatambay sa Sunken Garden dahil walang isawan dun. Hinarap ng lalaki si Reginald at nakapamewang nitong sinabi, "Hoy! Putang ama ka rin! Unang una sa lahat, kung maglaban man ang North at South Korea, mananalo ang South Korea dahil may fashion power sila. At pangalawa, hindi ako aalis sa pwesto ko dahil kitang kita ko mula dito yung mga lalaking naglalaro ng football na walang tshirt. Oo, football tawag dun." Hindi pa natatapos magsalita ang lalaki, oo lalaki pa rin siya dahil hindi pa naman niya pinapatapyas ang titi niya, ay naglakad na si Reginald palayo, papunta sa gitna ng Sunken Garden.
Tingin sa malayo.
Narating ni Reginald ang gitna ng Sunken Garden at nag Indian sit siya. Ibinalik niya ang tingin sa dalagang may malaking suso na nagjo jogging. Bumagal ang oras at ang kilos ng mga tao sa paligid niya, parang yung nangyari sa Click. Ang Click ay movie kung saan may isang ama na nakakuha ng isang universal remote control na kayang kontrolin ang mundo niya. Pinagbibidahan ito ni Adam Sandler na siya ring bida sa 50 First Dates, yung ginaya ng My Amnesia Girl. Sa pagkakaalam ko, gagayahin din nila ang The Matrix Trilogy kung saan si Pedro Penduko si Neo habang si Panday naman si Trinity. Shake, Rattle, and Roll daw ang magiging pamagat nito.
Taktak ng upos.
Ipinasok ni Reginald ang kamay niya sa kanyang bulsa at... kumuha ng panyo. Ginawa niya ito dahil napapansin na niya na kanina pa palipat lipat ang pinagtutuunan ng pansin ng kwentong ito. Isinuot pa naman niya ang paborito niyang brief dahil nalaman niyang magiging bida siya sa isang kwento. Isa pang beses na mawala sa kanya ang pokus ay sasayawin na niya ang Thriller sa gitna ng Sunken Garden. Matapos halungkatin ang bulsa at makuha ang panyo at pinunasan niya ang kanyang... mukha na pawisan dahil sa... init ng araw. "Ang init naman ngayon!" sigaw niya habang nakatingin sa araw, "tapos mamayang hapon bigla na lang uulan. Ang labo talaga ng PAG-ASA!" Ibinalik niya ang pansin sa dalaga na tuloy pa rin sa pagtakbo. BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING!
Hinga nang malalim.
"Bata, dun ka nga maglaro ng bola," sabi ni Reginald sa isang bata na abalang abala sa pagpapatalbog ng bola. Tumingin lang sa kanya ang bata at inilabas ang dila. BOING! BOING! BOING! BOING! Napabuntung hininga na lang si Reginald at napagdesisyunan na kausapin na lang ang babaeng tuloy pa rin sa pagtakbo. Palapit na si Reginald sa babae nang maalala niya na wala pala siyang dalang condom. Pero bakit nga naman siya magdadala ng condom, eh isa siyang debotong Katoliko. Kaliwa't kanan ang batikos na tinatamo ng Santo Papa dahil sa pagsuporta niya sa paggamit ng condom; pero para lamang mabawasan ang mga nagkakaroon ng STD at hindi para gawing contraception. May ibang tao siguradong nag iisip na maaaring gumamit ang Santo Papa ng condo bago nito namana ang holy throne ng Vatican. Tama, gumamit ang nga ang Santo Papa ng condom. Ngunit hindi dahil nakipag talik siya kundi dahil nag swimming siya isang araw at nakalimutan niyang magdala ng waterproof bag para sa kanyang iphone. Gumamit siya ng condom para maprotektahan ang kanyang iphone; at hindi nga nabasa ng tubig dagat ang kanyang iphone. Pero nasira pa rin ito dahil nabasa ng lubricant ang kanyang iphone. True story.
Hithit. Buga. Taktak. Hithit. Hinga nang malalim. Tingin sa malayo.
Sinayaw ni Reginald ang Thriller. At nag moonwalk siya habang palapit sa babae. Kung may moonwalk nga sa Thriller, bahala na; pareho namang kay Michael Jordan galing yun. Nalapitan na niya ang babae at kakausapin na niya sana ito nang bigla na lang tumawid yung babae. Nasapul ito ng jeep at nakaladkad hanggang sa dormitoryo ng mga freshmen. Ayan kasi, hindi tumatawid nang tama. Uy! Malapit lang dun yung isawan ni Mang Larry! Nalungkot si Reginald at napag desisyunan na umuwi na lamang. Nagmo moonwalk pa rin siya habang papunta sa sakayan ng jeep.
Buga.
Diretso sa Zen Room si Reginald pagdating niya sa kanilang bahay. Sobrang lungkot niya habang inaalala ang mga nangyari noong hapong iyon. Nagsimulang umulan. Pinalo niya ang kanyang unggoy at pinaputukan ang buhangin na nasa paligid niya. Nabuntis ang mga buhangin at nanganak ito ng bato.
Taktak.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Why the Church is Against the RH Bill
(A statement from a retard who's not even affiliated with the church)
The Bible.
That should be the end but just for the heck of it, let's dig a little deeper and hopefully, get a result that is illogical and unreasonable... hey, that's just like every statement that came from the church. Alright! We're on the right track here. Ok, let's start.
The bible is the walkthrough of the Catholic Church. It contains general rules on how to live, cheatcodes, and tips on how to molest young boys without getting caught... wait, I think I'm reading the wrong bible. But the bible for the Catholic Church is much more than that; for them, the bible contains the secret to an everlasting, happy life. Plus, add the fact that the words written on it were inspired by an all-knowing, all-powerful but probably fictional entity; and from a guy who's so manly, he can sport an abs that looks like a giant boner.
So it's no wonder the Catholic Church stands by every word the bible says... most of it anyway. They have the tendency to overlook, or in the case of the RH Bill, fixate on certain details, whenever the situation demands it. But let's stop talking about the bible because no matter what contrary evidence we present, as long as the bible says something about it, then the Catholic Church would surely stand with the bible. No questions asked.
Let's focus instead on the Catholic Church itself. This way, I could make slanderous statements without angering the dude upstairs, or the dick-abs sporting man. I mean, what's the worst thing that the church could do to me? Excommunicate me? Run me over with the pope mobile? Good luck with that.
So now, here is the main point of this statement. The Catholic Church is against the RH Bill because they want the Philippines to be overpopulated. Now why would I say such a malicious statement, aside from the fact that I have nothing better to do. Because a very huge population would be very beneficial to the Catholic Church... oooooh, I smell a conspiracy. Right now, despite the high poverty rate, that church remains insignificant, save for a handful of people. If there are more people in the country, poverty rate would skyrocket, and those people would look for a temporary sanctuary where they could get even just a little hope. And where would they find it? The Catholic Church. The church would have more souls to save, and they would be significant again to society. But the RH Bill is standing on they way of the resurrection of the church. That's why they're doing everything to stop this evil bill that has the potential to stop their grand scheme.
Plus, more people means more young boys to molest. *ba-du-bum-ching!*
>:)
The Bible.
That should be the end but just for the heck of it, let's dig a little deeper and hopefully, get a result that is illogical and unreasonable... hey, that's just like every statement that came from the church. Alright! We're on the right track here. Ok, let's start.
The bible is the walkthrough of the Catholic Church. It contains general rules on how to live, cheatcodes, and tips on how to molest young boys without getting caught... wait, I think I'm reading the wrong bible. But the bible for the Catholic Church is much more than that; for them, the bible contains the secret to an everlasting, happy life. Plus, add the fact that the words written on it were inspired by an all-knowing, all-powerful but probably fictional entity; and from a guy who's so manly, he can sport an abs that looks like a giant boner.
So it's no wonder the Catholic Church stands by every word the bible says... most of it anyway. They have the tendency to overlook, or in the case of the RH Bill, fixate on certain details, whenever the situation demands it. But let's stop talking about the bible because no matter what contrary evidence we present, as long as the bible says something about it, then the Catholic Church would surely stand with the bible. No questions asked.
Let's focus instead on the Catholic Church itself. This way, I could make slanderous statements without angering the dude upstairs, or the dick-abs sporting man. I mean, what's the worst thing that the church could do to me? Excommunicate me? Run me over with the pope mobile? Good luck with that.
So now, here is the main point of this statement. The Catholic Church is against the RH Bill because they want the Philippines to be overpopulated. Now why would I say such a malicious statement, aside from the fact that I have nothing better to do. Because a very huge population would be very beneficial to the Catholic Church... oooooh, I smell a conspiracy. Right now, despite the high poverty rate, that church remains insignificant, save for a handful of people. If there are more people in the country, poverty rate would skyrocket, and those people would look for a temporary sanctuary where they could get even just a little hope. And where would they find it? The Catholic Church. The church would have more souls to save, and they would be significant again to society. But the RH Bill is standing on they way of the resurrection of the church. That's why they're doing everything to stop this evil bill that has the potential to stop their grand scheme.
Plus, more people means more young boys to molest. *ba-du-bum-ching!*
>:)
Future Patrick (I hope you send me a freakin trinket from the future you bastard)
(yearbook write-up)
Dude, by the time you're reading this, I'll be long gone... and graduation has already passed. Don't be discouraged though if you haven't graduated. But I'm not interested in talking to you. I want to talk to the man that we've become, the man who has a career (run naked if you still don't have a job) and probably a family of his own. Future Patrick, wherever you are right now, I salute you. You've gone through the things that life threw at you (and survived 2012).
Whoever you are right now, I'm sure you've become that person because you followed your heart. However, I want you to remember things about who you were, in case you forgot. Remember that you were amused by the simplest of things, like a dog running in the campus or a bird fighting a praying mantis. Remember that you went through different styles of hair; if you're sporting an afro or dreads right now, good job. I hope that you still have an alright taste in music; although pop-punk doesn't suit you anymore dude. I'm sure by now, you've grown out of your rebellious phase; if not, that's probably my fault. Don't forget about your dreams and your bucket list. If you ever have the chance, do business on the pope's toilet seat. Before you die, change all your money to the lowest denomination possible, put it in a treasure chest, bury it, then let your children find it.
Never forgot about your family and friends; and the awesome memories you've shared with them.
Lastly, I hope you're not a politician. Seriously.
P.S. Send me a 3210
Whoever you are right now, I'm sure you've become that person because you followed your heart. However, I want you to remember things about who you were, in case you forgot. Remember that you were amused by the simplest of things, like a dog running in the campus or a bird fighting a praying mantis. Remember that you went through different styles of hair; if you're sporting an afro or dreads right now, good job. I hope that you still have an alright taste in music; although pop-punk doesn't suit you anymore dude. I'm sure by now, you've grown out of your rebellious phase; if not, that's probably my fault. Don't forget about your dreams and your bucket list. If you ever have the chance, do business on the pope's toilet seat. Before you die, change all your money to the lowest denomination possible, put it in a treasure chest, bury it, then let your children find it.
Never forgot about your family and friends; and the awesome memories you've shared with them.
Lastly, I hope you're not a politician. Seriously.
P.S. Send me a 3210
Monday, April 12, 2010
Easter Sunday
(because I don't have a sense of time when I'm not at school)
Easter Sunday is supposedly the day that Jesus rose from the dead. After being cooped up in a tomb for a while, he got bored and walked away. One moment, he was just lying there - dead; then he just vanished in thin air. This proves that Jesus Christ was a ninja; no wonder he could walk on water. Wait, if Jesus was a ninja, then that means he must have had some Japanese blood coursing through his veins... I knew it, there was no immaculate conception. Some ninja must have been in the Middle East doing ninja stuff; met Mary; impressed her with a couple of tricks; then ---
For the sake of not getting run over by the pope mobile, I'm gonna stop the Jesus-is-a-ninja conspiracy theory. Let's go back to the topic: ninjas, I mean Easter Sunday. Jesus Christ, after spending less than 3 days (yeah, I did the math; it was even less than 2) in a tomb, said "fuck it, I'm bored" and decided to walk away. This proves that Jesus also had ADD; that's why he traveled from town to town. He gets bored so easily that even death bored him. And when he walked away from his tomb, Easter Sunday was born.
The end...
Not really, I haven't really talked about Easter Sunday yet. I don't know how Jesus' friends reacted or how they felt when they saw Jesus was alive. I'm sure they were all happy and high-fiving each other, but some of them must have been a little pissed. They spent all that time, money and effort building the tomb then Jesus shuns it after spending about two days in it; what a douche. However, those feelings were replaced by sadness again because Jesus got bored and decided to go to heaven. Let's jump to another paragraph before the topic gets out of hand again.
Jesus and friends, after the euphoria caused by his return, probably sat down and broke bread. And in between the questions about being dead and afterlife were disco breaks. Nothing fancy; unlike today. Today, Easter Sunday is celebrated differently and its true message (ninja-hood) is lost amongst bunnies and eggs. Bunnies took the spotlight from Jesus Christ; and finding eggs replaced the disco breaks (I sense the involvement of the gay community). Instead of Jesus being the poster boy for Easter, they chose a bunny to represent one of the biggest disappearing acts of history; one of the greatest ninjas of all time was bumped off by something that's cute and eats carrots. Jesus was probably cute too and would've eaten a carrot if he saw one, but bunnies don't exactly embody the spirit of ninja-hood. If they had chosen a dinosaur or a cockroach, I would understand, but bunnies...
Enough about bunnies, now let's talk about eggs; yeah, still far from Easter. The disco breaks Jesus and his pals used to do aren't performed anymore; what people do now to celebrate Jesus' ninja trick is to look for eggs. Let's pause for a while... this topic could go in two directions. One would be the disgusting (but also irrational) path where I say that people are actually looking for Jesus' eggs. The other of course is to blame someone completely innocent; in this case, the gay community. Both paths could lead to disaster so let's stop (which actually means that I'm getting lazy already).
What happened to Easter Sunday? And where is Jesus now?
Easter Sunday is supposedly the day that Jesus rose from the dead. After being cooped up in a tomb for a while, he got bored and walked away. One moment, he was just lying there - dead; then he just vanished in thin air. This proves that Jesus Christ was a ninja; no wonder he could walk on water. Wait, if Jesus was a ninja, then that means he must have had some Japanese blood coursing through his veins... I knew it, there was no immaculate conception. Some ninja must have been in the Middle East doing ninja stuff; met Mary; impressed her with a couple of tricks; then ---
For the sake of not getting run over by the pope mobile, I'm gonna stop the Jesus-is-a-ninja conspiracy theory. Let's go back to the topic: ninjas, I mean Easter Sunday. Jesus Christ, after spending less than 3 days (yeah, I did the math; it was even less than 2) in a tomb, said "fuck it, I'm bored" and decided to walk away. This proves that Jesus also had ADD; that's why he traveled from town to town. He gets bored so easily that even death bored him. And when he walked away from his tomb, Easter Sunday was born.
The end...
Not really, I haven't really talked about Easter Sunday yet. I don't know how Jesus' friends reacted or how they felt when they saw Jesus was alive. I'm sure they were all happy and high-fiving each other, but some of them must have been a little pissed. They spent all that time, money and effort building the tomb then Jesus shuns it after spending about two days in it; what a douche. However, those feelings were replaced by sadness again because Jesus got bored and decided to go to heaven. Let's jump to another paragraph before the topic gets out of hand again.
Jesus and friends, after the euphoria caused by his return, probably sat down and broke bread. And in between the questions about being dead and afterlife were disco breaks. Nothing fancy; unlike today. Today, Easter Sunday is celebrated differently and its true message (ninja-hood) is lost amongst bunnies and eggs. Bunnies took the spotlight from Jesus Christ; and finding eggs replaced the disco breaks (I sense the involvement of the gay community). Instead of Jesus being the poster boy for Easter, they chose a bunny to represent one of the biggest disappearing acts of history; one of the greatest ninjas of all time was bumped off by something that's cute and eats carrots. Jesus was probably cute too and would've eaten a carrot if he saw one, but bunnies don't exactly embody the spirit of ninja-hood. If they had chosen a dinosaur or a cockroach, I would understand, but bunnies...
Enough about bunnies, now let's talk about eggs; yeah, still far from Easter. The disco breaks Jesus and his pals used to do aren't performed anymore; what people do now to celebrate Jesus' ninja trick is to look for eggs. Let's pause for a while... this topic could go in two directions. One would be the disgusting (but also irrational) path where I say that people are actually looking for Jesus' eggs. The other of course is to blame someone completely innocent; in this case, the gay community. Both paths could lead to disaster so let's stop (which actually means that I'm getting lazy already).
What happened to Easter Sunday? And where is Jesus now?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Oras Na Naman Para Umupo Sa Trono
Dumating na naman ang oras upang magpalit ng pinuno ang kaharian ng Poso Negro. Napakarami ng gustong maghari; sino ba naman ang ayaw tingalain at maging mas mataas sa kanilang kapwa (nandyan na rin ang kayamanan na kasama sa pagiging isang pinuno). Matapos ang napakahabang proseso ng dakdakan, bayaran, siraan, pagsasanib-pwersa, pag-aaway, at madami pang iba't ibang kalokohan ay napagdesisyunan na ibigay ang pagkakataong mamuno sa pitong indibidwal; mayroon pa ring ibang indibidwal na nagnanais na maging pinuno ngunit alam naman natin na panggulo lamang sila kaya walang saysay na pagtuunan pa sila ng pansin. Sayangin na lang natin ang ating oras sa pagkilala sa pitong kandidato. Magsimula tayo kay Houdini; nais niyang mamuno ngunit bigla namang mawawala na parang bula tuwing may darating na krisis. Si McArthur naman, nandyan nga - kapag tapos na ang krisis. Si Bugret naman yung nakikita mong punung-puno ng palamuti sa katawan. Ngunit hanggang porma lang yan, wala siyang paninindigan; malambot.
Pahinga muna, napakahirap ilabas ng pitong kandidato sa publiko. Hindi lang sa pinapabigat nila ang hangin sa kapaligiran, masakit pa ang paglabas nila sa... bulsa. Magkamustahan na lang muna tayo. May napili ka na ba? Kung wala pa, eto pa; mayroon pang apat na kandidato. Kaya pigilian mo na ang iyong hininga dahil parating na sila.
Heto si Ligapot; wala talaga siyang matibay na paniniwala. Kumakampi at sumasang-ayon lang siya sa opinyon ng iba; kung kani-kanino kumakapit. Kaya napakadaling manipulahin. Ngunit kung gusto mo ng malakas ang paninindigan, nandyan si Tubol. Ngunit ang kanyang paninindigan ay para lamang sa sariling pakinabang; na kadalasan ay nagdudulot lang ng kahirapan.
Kaya pa? Dalawa na lang. Kaunting tiis na lang at makikilala mo na silang lahat.
Si Burabos naman, halos katulad lang ni Ligapot; wala ring matibay na paniniwala. Nagkakaiba lang sila sa paraan ng pagpapakita sa publiko. Hindi masyadong sugapa sa pansin si Ligapot; pero si Burabos, parati na lang explosibo ang pagharap niya sa publiko. At yung maingay na naririning mo ngayon ay si UST. Puro kayabangan lang ang alam niya; at kadalasan, sa maling lugar niya inilalabas ang kayabangan niya.
Ayan, nakilala mo na silang lahat. Maaari ka munang panandaliang bumuntong-hininga. Ngunit hindi dyan nagtatapos ang lahat. Kailangan mo pang tumayo at magdesisyon: umalis na lang at hayaan ang isa sa kanila ang maging pinuno, o maaari mo rin namang linisin ang sistema, gamitin ang kamay at i-flush ang inidoro.
(Wala akong pinapatamaang kandidato. Nagkataon lang talaga na pitong klase ng tae ang alam ko. Kung may alam ka pang iba, ituro mo naman sa akin.)
Pahinga muna, napakahirap ilabas ng pitong kandidato sa publiko. Hindi lang sa pinapabigat nila ang hangin sa kapaligiran, masakit pa ang paglabas nila sa... bulsa. Magkamustahan na lang muna tayo. May napili ka na ba? Kung wala pa, eto pa; mayroon pang apat na kandidato. Kaya pigilian mo na ang iyong hininga dahil parating na sila.
Heto si Ligapot; wala talaga siyang matibay na paniniwala. Kumakampi at sumasang-ayon lang siya sa opinyon ng iba; kung kani-kanino kumakapit. Kaya napakadaling manipulahin. Ngunit kung gusto mo ng malakas ang paninindigan, nandyan si Tubol. Ngunit ang kanyang paninindigan ay para lamang sa sariling pakinabang; na kadalasan ay nagdudulot lang ng kahirapan.
Kaya pa? Dalawa na lang. Kaunting tiis na lang at makikilala mo na silang lahat.
Si Burabos naman, halos katulad lang ni Ligapot; wala ring matibay na paniniwala. Nagkakaiba lang sila sa paraan ng pagpapakita sa publiko. Hindi masyadong sugapa sa pansin si Ligapot; pero si Burabos, parati na lang explosibo ang pagharap niya sa publiko. At yung maingay na naririning mo ngayon ay si UST. Puro kayabangan lang ang alam niya; at kadalasan, sa maling lugar niya inilalabas ang kayabangan niya.
Ayan, nakilala mo na silang lahat. Maaari ka munang panandaliang bumuntong-hininga. Ngunit hindi dyan nagtatapos ang lahat. Kailangan mo pang tumayo at magdesisyon: umalis na lang at hayaan ang isa sa kanila ang maging pinuno, o maaari mo rin namang linisin ang sistema, gamitin ang kamay at i-flush ang inidoro.
(Wala akong pinapatamaang kandidato. Nagkataon lang talaga na pitong klase ng tae ang alam ko. Kung may alam ka pang iba, ituro mo naman sa akin.)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Legend Of The Merfolk (Who's Watching Whom?)
In a land far, far away, a mermaid is tucking her son into bed. As a part of every kid's bedtime ritual (yes, even young merfolks), the mother has to read a bed time story until they fall asleep.
"So, what story do you want me to read to you tonight?" asked the mermaid while absentmindedly scanning the bookshelf.
"I don't want any of those" exclaimed the kid when he noticed his mother looking at the bookshelf. "Could you tell me instead the story of our people's origin."
"Alright, but promise me that you'll listen carefully. This story has been passed down by our ancestors. And someday, when you have children of your own, you could also tell it to them."
"Ok, mom" murmured the kid as he lay down on his side to face his mother.
"A long time ago, when our kind used to live not underwater but on solid ground ----"
"What?!" interrupted the kid. "How did our ancestors managed to survive on dry land?"
"Listen first, it's all part of the story" said his mother patiently. "As I was saying, long ago, our people used to live on dry land; having a set of legs and feet instead of a fishtail, which we have now. They were just regular people living in peace and harmony; it seemed that peace would go on until the end of time. But it's not what fate has in stored for them."
"One day, the high priest of the kingdom had a very alarming premonition; and he immediately went to the castle to warn the king.
'My King! My King! We have a very serious problem' shouted the high priest as he made his way towards the throne. 'I just had the most disturbing vision.'
'Calm down, young man' said the king. 'Would you care for a drink while you narrate your vision to me?'
'Thank you, your Majesty. But every second counts, which you will realize after you hear my story' panted the priest, who was still acting like he saw the most horrible thing in the world.
At this point, the king dropped his calm, smiling face and suddenly turned grim and serious when he saw the condition of the high priest. 'Pray, continue' said the king, not taking his eyes off the priest.
'I was meditating at the top of the mountain,' the priest started 'when suddenly, the wind calmed down and I was surrounded by a blinding light. When my eyes finally adjusted to the light, I saw the most beautiful creature standing in front of me. It was so beautiful that no words could suffice in describing it. I fell down on my knees and ----' "
"Well this is a boring book. It ruined my high you bastard" said a college junior as he throws the book to his roommate, who was so busy coughing he didn't even see the book flying to his face.
"What the hell dude?!" shouted the roommate as he massages his right cheek. "Oh great job dude. Because of you, I dropped the joint in the glass of water. And my cheek hurts like hell too."
The junior, who is now busy rolling another joint replied, "Blame your book asshole. It's what hit you in the face."
The roommate just gave him the finger as he tries to order some pizza. It took him a few minutes though before he realizes that he was holding the phone upside down.
"Why are you reading books about mermaids anyway?" continued the junior as he lights the newly rolled joint. "I'm starting to think that you might be a faggot hiding in the closet. Listen dude," the junior suddenly turned serious and faced his roommate, "I don't mind that you're gay. But when your hormones start acting up, keep it to yourself or with your friends and don't even think of including my ass in one of your 'fun sessions.' " Then he started to cough and laugh at the same time, causing his eyes to become teary.
"You're dick," retorted the roommate as he reach for the joint. "Maybe you're the one who's a queer in denial and you're just projecting your frustrations on me."
"See dude," said the junior who was still laughing his ass off on the floor, "you can't stop thinking about dicks."
The roommate, now starting to get annoyed by the gay jokes just said, "You're stoned dude," hoping to change the subject.
"I am. And you're gay" replied the junior in a mocking voice.
Somewhere, in a single bed apartment, a girl is sitting in her couch watching a movie. After finishing the last of her butter flavored popcorn, she turns off the DVD player and began to watch cable tv instead. She is a little disappointed by the movie, for it was created by the same guys who created some of her favorite movies. Even though the title insinuated that it was just another stoner movie, she still got the DVD thinking it would still bring a few laughs. Instead, what she saw was just a bunch of dudes getting high all the time and dissing each other. And after seeing the scene where the two protagonists discuss some book about mermaids while getting stoned, she's finally had enough and decides to watch the latest Hollywood gossip instead.
Outside the girl's apartment, sitting in a thick branch, overlooking the girl's bedroom and bathroom, is a guy patiently waiting for the girl to take a shower and then eventually retire to her room. Equipped with some of the best and latest spying gadgets, he awaits his newest prey to fulfill his psychotic urges. He's been spying on the girl for almost a week now and the girl doesn't even suspect a thing. The guy first laid eyes on the girl when she ordered coffee from him at the local coffee shop. As he gave her her coffee and change, some of the coins fell off her hands and she bent over to pick them up. When she bent over, her skirt lifted up a little and the guy had a glimpse of her butt crack. The guy couldn't stop thinking what the rest of her body looks like so he started stalking her from then on.
Across the street, a black car is parked in front of the local convenience store. Inside the car is an undercover policeman trying to get enough evidence to put the local pervert behind bars. The policeman have the cleanest record among the force; he never abused his power because he saw his job as a calling. But because of his clean record and uncompromising attitude, some of the powerful crime syndicates have started targeting him. That's why he was forced to take small cases for the meantime; until his heat cools down. So for now, his latest assignment is to gather enough evidence to put the pervert in jail. Equipped with just a camera, he takes a picture of the pervert every time he exposes his face.
Inside the convenience store, two FBI agents are drinking coffee and eating some doughnuts while discussing a potential new recruit. The bureau picked this guy because of his outstanding record and his passion in upholding the law. The two agents are scribbling in their notes as they observe the cop outside who was gathering evidence. After they were done taking notes, they gave each other a nod, then phoned their superiors; the cop passed the preliminary test and tomorrow, they would go to the precinct and tell him he has a chance to join the bureau. While the two agents are paying for their bill, a mentally deranged person bursts in the store, holding a gun. Before the two agents could react, the person begins shooting everyone. After seeing everyone was dead, he puts the gun in his mouth, cocks the gun then pulls the trigger.
A million light years away, a family is making weird noises, which appears to be the sound of cheering, as they stare in front of this humongous screen showing someone shooting everyone at some convenience store. Each family member has a big head, no eyes, and has a hole, which resembles an abyss, for mouth. They're blue, and they appear to be made of a jelly-like substance. In that planet, the form of entertainment is watching the lives of lower beings; and the hit show right now is the planet Earth. Pretty soon though, they would get bored with that planet, destroy it, then look for another planet to watch.
In a metaphysical realm, an omnipotent being is watching its creations. The being watches everything with great interest and delight, even though his creation is starting to crumble into pieces. It sits there, unmoved by the sight it sees, while everything disintegrates. Nothing matters to it; when everything ends, it would just create again then watch the whole process start all over again. It has all the time; or rather, time doesn't have an effect on it.
Sitting in front of a greenish monitor, after deciphering the jumble of white letters on the screen, a student is disappointed for wasting time reading something so irrelevant and nonsensical. That time could have been allotted in doing something productive; like reading and reviewing the notes taken in class, or doing some of the requirements in advance. But because of curiosity regarding the legend of the merfolks, the student lost some precious time that will never be obtained again.
Meanwhile, outside the student's house, a shady character is rummaging through the trash; hoping to get a trinket that once belonged to the student. After finding a new memento for the altar at his home, the shady character takes one last look at the student then heads home.
"So, what story do you want me to read to you tonight?" asked the mermaid while absentmindedly scanning the bookshelf.
"I don't want any of those" exclaimed the kid when he noticed his mother looking at the bookshelf. "Could you tell me instead the story of our people's origin."
"Alright, but promise me that you'll listen carefully. This story has been passed down by our ancestors. And someday, when you have children of your own, you could also tell it to them."
"Ok, mom" murmured the kid as he lay down on his side to face his mother.
"A long time ago, when our kind used to live not underwater but on solid ground ----"
"What?!" interrupted the kid. "How did our ancestors managed to survive on dry land?"
"Listen first, it's all part of the story" said his mother patiently. "As I was saying, long ago, our people used to live on dry land; having a set of legs and feet instead of a fishtail, which we have now. They were just regular people living in peace and harmony; it seemed that peace would go on until the end of time. But it's not what fate has in stored for them."
"One day, the high priest of the kingdom had a very alarming premonition; and he immediately went to the castle to warn the king.
'My King! My King! We have a very serious problem' shouted the high priest as he made his way towards the throne. 'I just had the most disturbing vision.'
'Calm down, young man' said the king. 'Would you care for a drink while you narrate your vision to me?'
'Thank you, your Majesty. But every second counts, which you will realize after you hear my story' panted the priest, who was still acting like he saw the most horrible thing in the world.
At this point, the king dropped his calm, smiling face and suddenly turned grim and serious when he saw the condition of the high priest. 'Pray, continue' said the king, not taking his eyes off the priest.
'I was meditating at the top of the mountain,' the priest started 'when suddenly, the wind calmed down and I was surrounded by a blinding light. When my eyes finally adjusted to the light, I saw the most beautiful creature standing in front of me. It was so beautiful that no words could suffice in describing it. I fell down on my knees and ----' "
"Well this is a boring book. It ruined my high you bastard" said a college junior as he throws the book to his roommate, who was so busy coughing he didn't even see the book flying to his face.
"What the hell dude?!" shouted the roommate as he massages his right cheek. "Oh great job dude. Because of you, I dropped the joint in the glass of water. And my cheek hurts like hell too."
The junior, who is now busy rolling another joint replied, "Blame your book asshole. It's what hit you in the face."
The roommate just gave him the finger as he tries to order some pizza. It took him a few minutes though before he realizes that he was holding the phone upside down.
"Why are you reading books about mermaids anyway?" continued the junior as he lights the newly rolled joint. "I'm starting to think that you might be a faggot hiding in the closet. Listen dude," the junior suddenly turned serious and faced his roommate, "I don't mind that you're gay. But when your hormones start acting up, keep it to yourself or with your friends and don't even think of including my ass in one of your 'fun sessions.' " Then he started to cough and laugh at the same time, causing his eyes to become teary.
"You're dick," retorted the roommate as he reach for the joint. "Maybe you're the one who's a queer in denial and you're just projecting your frustrations on me."
"See dude," said the junior who was still laughing his ass off on the floor, "you can't stop thinking about dicks."
The roommate, now starting to get annoyed by the gay jokes just said, "You're stoned dude," hoping to change the subject.
"I am. And you're gay" replied the junior in a mocking voice.
Somewhere, in a single bed apartment, a girl is sitting in her couch watching a movie. After finishing the last of her butter flavored popcorn, she turns off the DVD player and began to watch cable tv instead. She is a little disappointed by the movie, for it was created by the same guys who created some of her favorite movies. Even though the title insinuated that it was just another stoner movie, she still got the DVD thinking it would still bring a few laughs. Instead, what she saw was just a bunch of dudes getting high all the time and dissing each other. And after seeing the scene where the two protagonists discuss some book about mermaids while getting stoned, she's finally had enough and decides to watch the latest Hollywood gossip instead.
Outside the girl's apartment, sitting in a thick branch, overlooking the girl's bedroom and bathroom, is a guy patiently waiting for the girl to take a shower and then eventually retire to her room. Equipped with some of the best and latest spying gadgets, he awaits his newest prey to fulfill his psychotic urges. He's been spying on the girl for almost a week now and the girl doesn't even suspect a thing. The guy first laid eyes on the girl when she ordered coffee from him at the local coffee shop. As he gave her her coffee and change, some of the coins fell off her hands and she bent over to pick them up. When she bent over, her skirt lifted up a little and the guy had a glimpse of her butt crack. The guy couldn't stop thinking what the rest of her body looks like so he started stalking her from then on.
Across the street, a black car is parked in front of the local convenience store. Inside the car is an undercover policeman trying to get enough evidence to put the local pervert behind bars. The policeman have the cleanest record among the force; he never abused his power because he saw his job as a calling. But because of his clean record and uncompromising attitude, some of the powerful crime syndicates have started targeting him. That's why he was forced to take small cases for the meantime; until his heat cools down. So for now, his latest assignment is to gather enough evidence to put the pervert in jail. Equipped with just a camera, he takes a picture of the pervert every time he exposes his face.
Inside the convenience store, two FBI agents are drinking coffee and eating some doughnuts while discussing a potential new recruit. The bureau picked this guy because of his outstanding record and his passion in upholding the law. The two agents are scribbling in their notes as they observe the cop outside who was gathering evidence. After they were done taking notes, they gave each other a nod, then phoned their superiors; the cop passed the preliminary test and tomorrow, they would go to the precinct and tell him he has a chance to join the bureau. While the two agents are paying for their bill, a mentally deranged person bursts in the store, holding a gun. Before the two agents could react, the person begins shooting everyone. After seeing everyone was dead, he puts the gun in his mouth, cocks the gun then pulls the trigger.
A million light years away, a family is making weird noises, which appears to be the sound of cheering, as they stare in front of this humongous screen showing someone shooting everyone at some convenience store. Each family member has a big head, no eyes, and has a hole, which resembles an abyss, for mouth. They're blue, and they appear to be made of a jelly-like substance. In that planet, the form of entertainment is watching the lives of lower beings; and the hit show right now is the planet Earth. Pretty soon though, they would get bored with that planet, destroy it, then look for another planet to watch.
In a metaphysical realm, an omnipotent being is watching its creations. The being watches everything with great interest and delight, even though his creation is starting to crumble into pieces. It sits there, unmoved by the sight it sees, while everything disintegrates. Nothing matters to it; when everything ends, it would just create again then watch the whole process start all over again. It has all the time; or rather, time doesn't have an effect on it.
Sitting in front of a greenish monitor, after deciphering the jumble of white letters on the screen, a student is disappointed for wasting time reading something so irrelevant and nonsensical. That time could have been allotted in doing something productive; like reading and reviewing the notes taken in class, or doing some of the requirements in advance. But because of curiosity regarding the legend of the merfolks, the student lost some precious time that will never be obtained again.
Meanwhile, outside the student's house, a shady character is rummaging through the trash; hoping to get a trinket that once belonged to the student. After finding a new memento for the altar at his home, the shady character takes one last look at the student then heads home.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Where Are the Wild Things?
Mary, Micah, and Paula; where are the wild things?
Ok, first things first: first times (no, this isn't the wild thing). This is the first movie I've watched in 2010; first movie I've watched in TriNoma; and first time I've watched a movie with the block. Told you, no wild things here.
Even before watching the movie, I had been looking for the wild things. They weren't in the caf, not in the ride to TriNoma, and not in TriNoma itself. So I said to myself, they must be in the movie; and that's exactly what I did - look for wild things in the movie.
The movie started with a little boy chasing a dog. Then when he finally caught the dog, they wrestled. Not exactly the wild thing I was expecting; but hey, some people might be into that shit.
Fast forward a little; the boy had an older sister. Then a couple of friends of the sister (all guys) came (still not wild) and went inside their house; with the boy (from now on, let's call the little boy Max) outside the house. So a sleazy reggae beat started playing in my head (um-um-ckaka, um-um-chaka). But they immediately went outside the house and had a snowball fight (not a sexual euphemism) with Max. Still no wild things.
Their mom isn't a wild thing.
Max threw a tantrum when he saw his mom with another guy (which is totally uncalled for because they weren't doing anything wild)... Max bit his mom... chase scene... Max sailing... Max arriving at some island... still no wild things.
Max arrived at the strange island at night; a perfect setting for anything wild. He heard chaos somewhere, and he approached it. What he saw was just a bunch of monsters (the goat is freaking gay, and the chicken is... a chicken). Then one thing led to another and Max was seen by all the monsters; and then they surrounded him. I said to myself, please don't let this be the wild thing I was searching for. It wasn't.
The dog is fucking awesome though.
Let's skip to the end because any wild thing that might have happened in between isn't actually my thing. But if you're sort of into that shit, not a single thing happened; you didn't miss anything. Credits rolled... still no wild thing.
So where the hell are the wild things?
Awesome movie though; and a cool soundtrack. There's just no wild thing.
Ok, first things first: first times (no, this isn't the wild thing). This is the first movie I've watched in 2010; first movie I've watched in TriNoma; and first time I've watched a movie with the block. Told you, no wild things here.
Even before watching the movie, I had been looking for the wild things. They weren't in the caf, not in the ride to TriNoma, and not in TriNoma itself. So I said to myself, they must be in the movie; and that's exactly what I did - look for wild things in the movie.
The movie started with a little boy chasing a dog. Then when he finally caught the dog, they wrestled. Not exactly the wild thing I was expecting; but hey, some people might be into that shit.
Fast forward a little; the boy had an older sister. Then a couple of friends of the sister (all guys) came (still not wild) and went inside their house; with the boy (from now on, let's call the little boy Max) outside the house. So a sleazy reggae beat started playing in my head (um-um-ckaka, um-um-chaka). But they immediately went outside the house and had a snowball fight (not a sexual euphemism) with Max. Still no wild things.
Their mom isn't a wild thing.
Max threw a tantrum when he saw his mom with another guy (which is totally uncalled for because they weren't doing anything wild)... Max bit his mom... chase scene... Max sailing... Max arriving at some island... still no wild things.
Max arrived at the strange island at night; a perfect setting for anything wild. He heard chaos somewhere, and he approached it. What he saw was just a bunch of monsters (the goat is freaking gay, and the chicken is... a chicken). Then one thing led to another and Max was seen by all the monsters; and then they surrounded him. I said to myself, please don't let this be the wild thing I was searching for. It wasn't.
The dog is fucking awesome though.
Let's skip to the end because any wild thing that might have happened in between isn't actually my thing. But if you're sort of into that shit, not a single thing happened; you didn't miss anything. Credits rolled... still no wild thing.
So where the hell are the wild things?
Awesome movie though; and a cool soundtrack. There's just no wild thing.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Living in the iWorld
It's 5:30 AM. You hear the sound of Careless Whisper breaking the morning silence. You stand up immediately thinking, "Holy shit! Someone's getting some action." Then you realize it was just your ialarm blaring to wake you up.
After rubbing your eyes and yawning for a couple of seconds, you go to the shower. Before taking a shower, you decide to do your own business. As you sit down on the itoilet's seat, Scream Aim Fire starts to play loudly; so loud that even your neighbors know someone's taking a shit. And for every plok sound that your crap makes when it makes contact with the water surface of your itoilet, you'd hear a plinky-plucky sound. After you're done making plinky-plucky music, you flush the itoilet and then it would say, "Thank you, come again!" (in Indian accent).
Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head would play as soon as you turn the knob of your ishower. And when you use your ishampoo/soap, you'd hear Tiny Bubbles. After taking a shower, you go to your room to change.
Then you hear the sound of interlude.
After drying yourself, you rummage through your drawer to look for a clean iunderwear. When you finally pick the one you like (fuschia is the new "in" color), you wear the iunderwear; then Dirty Little Secret starts to play. The iunderwear you're wearing has been used before but you say to yourself, "Ah fuck it. I'm already wearing the damn thing." So you just hit the snooze button. Then you start to put on your iclothes, which play I'm Too Sexy if they're too tight already.
You exit your room, prepared to go to school. But you decide to grab a quick bite first. You get some ifood and start to gobble it up. As you chew, Don't Hold Back plays inside your mouth. And when you're finally full, you take a moment to decide whether to brush your teeth. You know your breath could take down an elephant but you have an imouthwash anyway; it doesn't get rid of the smell but it plays First Breath After a Coma every time you breathe out; which is freaking awesome. You decide to brush your teeth. It's been almost a week since you last brushed your teeth; you've been relying too much on the imouthwash and people are now avoiding you. For every brush you do to your teeth, you would hear a whistle coming from your itoothbrush. The makers of itootbrush decided to put a whistling sound on the itoothbrush because no one in the world could whistle while brushing their teeth.
You leave you're house and see the street filled with people; cars are now obsolete. Everybody is now addicted to walking because the ishoes could produce different kinds of melody. The sound depends on the footfalls so the ishoes produces a unique sound for each user. Since the invention of the ishoes, people started to walk in a weird way. After listening to the sounds produced by the different ishoes, you start to walk and make a melody of your own.
And you hear the solo.
Then it fades away.
After rubbing your eyes and yawning for a couple of seconds, you go to the shower. Before taking a shower, you decide to do your own business. As you sit down on the itoilet's seat, Scream Aim Fire starts to play loudly; so loud that even your neighbors know someone's taking a shit. And for every plok sound that your crap makes when it makes contact with the water surface of your itoilet, you'd hear a plinky-plucky sound. After you're done making plinky-plucky music, you flush the itoilet and then it would say, "Thank you, come again!" (in Indian accent).
Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head would play as soon as you turn the knob of your ishower. And when you use your ishampoo/soap, you'd hear Tiny Bubbles. After taking a shower, you go to your room to change.
Then you hear the sound of interlude.
After drying yourself, you rummage through your drawer to look for a clean iunderwear. When you finally pick the one you like (fuschia is the new "in" color), you wear the iunderwear; then Dirty Little Secret starts to play. The iunderwear you're wearing has been used before but you say to yourself, "Ah fuck it. I'm already wearing the damn thing." So you just hit the snooze button. Then you start to put on your iclothes, which play I'm Too Sexy if they're too tight already.
You exit your room, prepared to go to school. But you decide to grab a quick bite first. You get some ifood and start to gobble it up. As you chew, Don't Hold Back plays inside your mouth. And when you're finally full, you take a moment to decide whether to brush your teeth. You know your breath could take down an elephant but you have an imouthwash anyway; it doesn't get rid of the smell but it plays First Breath After a Coma every time you breathe out; which is freaking awesome. You decide to brush your teeth. It's been almost a week since you last brushed your teeth; you've been relying too much on the imouthwash and people are now avoiding you. For every brush you do to your teeth, you would hear a whistle coming from your itoothbrush. The makers of itootbrush decided to put a whistling sound on the itoothbrush because no one in the world could whistle while brushing their teeth.
You leave you're house and see the street filled with people; cars are now obsolete. Everybody is now addicted to walking because the ishoes could produce different kinds of melody. The sound depends on the footfalls so the ishoes produces a unique sound for each user. Since the invention of the ishoes, people started to walk in a weird way. After listening to the sounds produced by the different ishoes, you start to walk and make a melody of your own.
And you hear the solo.
Then it fades away.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Going to the Loo: The Untold Story (A Fictional Biography)
(This is dedicated to Micah, Kaye, and of course, Loo)
Loo: noun, \'lu\, plural loos. British informal. TOILET.
I apologize for any stereotypes and racist statements made here. If you have any problems, take it to the loo.
Loo is from China because he is Chinese
He is Chinese because he came from Xavier
He came from Xavier because he is rich
He is rich because he has a credit card account
He has a credit card account because he needs it for online memberships
He is a member because he likes 2 girls and 1 cup
He likes 2 girls and 1 cup because he loves porn
He loves porn because he watches it while studying
He is studying because he is Loo
And Loo is from China
Loo: noun, \'lu\, plural loos. British informal. TOILET.
I apologize for any stereotypes and racist statements made here. If you have any problems, take it to the loo.
Loo is from China because he is Chinese
He is Chinese because he came from Xavier
He came from Xavier because he is rich
He is rich because he has a credit card account
He has a credit card account because he needs it for online memberships
He is a member because he likes 2 girls and 1 cup
He likes 2 girls and 1 cup because he loves porn
He loves porn because he watches it while studying
He is studying because he is Loo
And Loo is from China
Monday, February 1, 2010
The Fallen Angel
"Some believe him to be the last Antichrist who will trigger the rapture. Others call him a reluctant messenger. While others say he's just a freak of nature with wings, mutated by global warming. Whether he is any of these, or something else entirely; we know one thing's for sure: a winged person is now walking among us."
"He was once a normal teenager living a pretty much average life. That all ended when he discovered two white, feathery wings had sprouted on his back. He said it was no big deal to him; 'it was the other people, especially Christians, who made all the fuss about it.' Now, he gets constant text messages, instant messages, emails, and some even approach him asking for advice, miracles, or any paraphernalia touched by him. Someone even created a fan page for him, which gets a thousand hits per day. Everyone seems to be somewhat associated with the 'angel.' Luckily, we were able to get an exclusive interview from him. For the full details of the interview, turn to page -----"
"Ouch! What the hell was that for?!" cried a student as he massages the part on his back where the bottle had hit. "Dude, everyone would be able to read this article in a few days. This magazine would be in circulation in three days; no point in postponing the inevitable. So just let me read your interview in front of the whole class while you do whatever it is you're doing."
"I hate spoilers; they start rumors. Next thing you know, some idiot in the washroom would either exaggerate it or add some ridiculous detail to it." As the guy finished talking, he adjusted his feet, which was on the armrest of the chair beside him. Then as he yawned, he noticed the bottle he threw earlier. "Dude, throw that bottle out, will you."
"It was yours in the first place jerk; and I haven't received any apologies from you. I think that throw gave me a bruise," replied the student.
"How about this one?" said the guy as he flipped the student. "The last human contact the bottle had was with you. Ergo, the bottle is your property."
"What kind of twisted logic is that?" the student replied as he gave the guy an up-yours-sign. "It's your bottle, you throw it away."
"Rock, paper, scissors?" he asked in a very bored voice as he made a fist with his hand. Seeing the student just gave him a what-the-fuck-look, he stood up and said, "Fine, I'll do it. You owe me bastard. Next time, you carry my stuff for the whole day." Then he proceeded to throw out the empty bottle.
On the way to the trashcan, he felt all eyes turned to him. He was used to all the staring by now. But today, for some unknown reason, he was extremely irritable. As he approached the trashcan, he stopped suddenly then looked back. He noticed all students turned their heads away from him then hastily made up a fake conversation. He was sure they would stare at him again as soon as he turns his back on them. He sighed then approached the trashcan. The trashcan was overflowing with all kinds of junk so he had to squeeze the empty bottle for it to fit. He looked up and muttered, "sorry Mother Earth."
When he got back inside the classroom, he saw his friend reading the interview article to a huge crowd. He crept quietly toward them then snatched the magazine from the student who was so engrossed in his reading that he even made voices for the interviewer and the guy. "Sorry guys," he announced to the crowd, "that was just a preview. You'll see the main attraction in three days." He noticed the crowd slowly dispersed. Some of them looked very annoyed, some muttered "asshole", while some looked like they were ready to beat him up.
"Man, what is your problem? You're acting like a complete asshole. If you don't want anyone to know the contents of that interview, why did you agree to get interviewed in the first place?" asked the student, all humor gone from his face.
"Nothing;" replied the guy, "I just didn't get much sleep because of these fucking wings. I feel like a pregnant woman; except the nuisance is on my back and not on my belly."
"Have you considered having them cut?" asked the student, all look of annoyance miraculously disappeared.
"When I first got them" then as he finished saying the last word, he spread out his wings, "but the thought immediately left my mind as soon as I considered the possibility that I could fly."
"Can you?" whispered the student. Then he went closer to the guy, not able to hide the excitement of knowing a big secret.
"Of course not," he sneered. "Why do you think these wings annoy the fuck out of me? Then add those fanatics who wouldn't stop bugging me. Having a wings is a blast" he said sarcastically as he folded his wings. "Plus," he continued, "I don't know which shampoo to use; do I use bird shampoo or Clear, so my wings could scream out metro sexuality."
"I'm pretty sure god had a reason for giving you those wings" said the student as he sat down and got some gum from his bag. "Want some gum?" he offered.
The guy's eyes suddenly pierced the student. He was sick of hearing that one word, that word that killed a lot of people; in the past and even today. He didn't believe even before he got his wings, and there's no way in hell he would start believing now. He can't believe in some douchebag who's supposed to be benevolent but just sits and enjoys watching everyone kill each other for his sake. Then in the end, he would judge everyone; separating the faithful from the unfaithful. What kind of egocentric bastard would do that? The guy was about to open his mouth to start an argument when he suddenly realized. "If that asshole is truly up there, why should I give the bastard the satisfaction of an argument for his sake. He'd just be there enjoying every moment while two idiots are arguing about him." So the guy just picked up his bag and turned to the door.
"You were about to say something. And where the hell do you think you're going?" asked the student. "Our theology prof could pop in any moment now; he's usually late for only ten minutes - max. And it's only..." he continued as he checked the time, "eight minutes past the second bell. So that means our prof would be here in about two minutes."
"I don't think I'm in bullshit mode for today. I'm sick of Mr. bible-humper asking me if I found the light. Then he would go on with his never-ending monologue about how god is everywhere. I'm going home" said the guy as he walked towards the door. "Later dude" then he waved his hand.
Due to some weird angle and lighting, the wings of the guy looked jet black for a split second. Everyone in the room who where looking at him when he left noticed that. One of them, a very religious student, after seeing that immediately crossed himself. "He really is the Antichrist" he thought. While the student just thought, "That idiot should just have his wings dyed black. That way, his wings matches his philosophy in life."
As the guy was walking on the sidewalk, approaching the overpass, he saw from afar a car moving very fast; swerving left and right, trying to overtake all cars in front of it. Then as the guy was walking in the middle of the overpass, he heard a very loud crash; the sound of metal being crumpled. When he looked down, he saw the reckless car had collided with a mini van. The scene before his eyes was a complete wreck; he could even see some blood dripping from the car. "That fucking driver," the guy thought, "I hope he loses all his legs and eyes so he wouldn't be able to drive again." Then as he was about to resume his walk towards the jeepney terminal, he heard a little girl crying, asking for her mother. The girl was covered in blood and seemed disoriented. She was swaying as she walked; arms outstretched, hoping to find protection from her mother.
While some of the bystanders were now ogling at the crash site, some of the drivers behind the site were now starting to get flustered because of the building traffic. There was enough space for only one car to pass through. Then the guy saw one car tried to pass through the site; moving at a high speed, hoping no one would notice. But as the car was about to pass through, the little girl suddenly went towards the direction of the moving car. Her hands still outstretched, still crying out her mothers name. The guy, without thinking, immediately jumped from the overpass and went towards the little girl. Some of the spectators gasped as they saw him flying. But he didn't notice any of that, his only thought was to save the girl. Then, as the bumper of the moving car was about to hit the little girl, white feathery wings blocked the view of the moving car for a split second. Then came the sound of a very loud thud; and feathers began to rain on the site. The little girl was saved, but the guy died. The guy with wings was able to fly; even just for a couple of seconds. But it had cost him his life.
"He was once a normal teenager living a pretty much average life. That all ended when he discovered two white, feathery wings had sprouted on his back. He said it was no big deal to him; 'it was the other people, especially Christians, who made all the fuss about it.' Now, he gets constant text messages, instant messages, emails, and some even approach him asking for advice, miracles, or any paraphernalia touched by him. Someone even created a fan page for him, which gets a thousand hits per day. Everyone seems to be somewhat associated with the 'angel.' Luckily, we were able to get an exclusive interview from him. For the full details of the interview, turn to page -----"
"Ouch! What the hell was that for?!" cried a student as he massages the part on his back where the bottle had hit. "Dude, everyone would be able to read this article in a few days. This magazine would be in circulation in three days; no point in postponing the inevitable. So just let me read your interview in front of the whole class while you do whatever it is you're doing."
"I hate spoilers; they start rumors. Next thing you know, some idiot in the washroom would either exaggerate it or add some ridiculous detail to it." As the guy finished talking, he adjusted his feet, which was on the armrest of the chair beside him. Then as he yawned, he noticed the bottle he threw earlier. "Dude, throw that bottle out, will you."
"It was yours in the first place jerk; and I haven't received any apologies from you. I think that throw gave me a bruise," replied the student.
"How about this one?" said the guy as he flipped the student. "The last human contact the bottle had was with you. Ergo, the bottle is your property."
"What kind of twisted logic is that?" the student replied as he gave the guy an up-yours-sign. "It's your bottle, you throw it away."
"Rock, paper, scissors?" he asked in a very bored voice as he made a fist with his hand. Seeing the student just gave him a what-the-fuck-look, he stood up and said, "Fine, I'll do it. You owe me bastard. Next time, you carry my stuff for the whole day." Then he proceeded to throw out the empty bottle.
On the way to the trashcan, he felt all eyes turned to him. He was used to all the staring by now. But today, for some unknown reason, he was extremely irritable. As he approached the trashcan, he stopped suddenly then looked back. He noticed all students turned their heads away from him then hastily made up a fake conversation. He was sure they would stare at him again as soon as he turns his back on them. He sighed then approached the trashcan. The trashcan was overflowing with all kinds of junk so he had to squeeze the empty bottle for it to fit. He looked up and muttered, "sorry Mother Earth."
When he got back inside the classroom, he saw his friend reading the interview article to a huge crowd. He crept quietly toward them then snatched the magazine from the student who was so engrossed in his reading that he even made voices for the interviewer and the guy. "Sorry guys," he announced to the crowd, "that was just a preview. You'll see the main attraction in three days." He noticed the crowd slowly dispersed. Some of them looked very annoyed, some muttered "asshole", while some looked like they were ready to beat him up.
"Man, what is your problem? You're acting like a complete asshole. If you don't want anyone to know the contents of that interview, why did you agree to get interviewed in the first place?" asked the student, all humor gone from his face.
"Nothing;" replied the guy, "I just didn't get much sleep because of these fucking wings. I feel like a pregnant woman; except the nuisance is on my back and not on my belly."
"Have you considered having them cut?" asked the student, all look of annoyance miraculously disappeared.
"When I first got them" then as he finished saying the last word, he spread out his wings, "but the thought immediately left my mind as soon as I considered the possibility that I could fly."
"Can you?" whispered the student. Then he went closer to the guy, not able to hide the excitement of knowing a big secret.
"Of course not," he sneered. "Why do you think these wings annoy the fuck out of me? Then add those fanatics who wouldn't stop bugging me. Having a wings is a blast" he said sarcastically as he folded his wings. "Plus," he continued, "I don't know which shampoo to use; do I use bird shampoo or Clear, so my wings could scream out metro sexuality."
"I'm pretty sure god had a reason for giving you those wings" said the student as he sat down and got some gum from his bag. "Want some gum?" he offered.
The guy's eyes suddenly pierced the student. He was sick of hearing that one word, that word that killed a lot of people; in the past and even today. He didn't believe even before he got his wings, and there's no way in hell he would start believing now. He can't believe in some douchebag who's supposed to be benevolent but just sits and enjoys watching everyone kill each other for his sake. Then in the end, he would judge everyone; separating the faithful from the unfaithful. What kind of egocentric bastard would do that? The guy was about to open his mouth to start an argument when he suddenly realized. "If that asshole is truly up there, why should I give the bastard the satisfaction of an argument for his sake. He'd just be there enjoying every moment while two idiots are arguing about him." So the guy just picked up his bag and turned to the door.
"You were about to say something. And where the hell do you think you're going?" asked the student. "Our theology prof could pop in any moment now; he's usually late for only ten minutes - max. And it's only..." he continued as he checked the time, "eight minutes past the second bell. So that means our prof would be here in about two minutes."
"I don't think I'm in bullshit mode for today. I'm sick of Mr. bible-humper asking me if I found the light. Then he would go on with his never-ending monologue about how god is everywhere. I'm going home" said the guy as he walked towards the door. "Later dude" then he waved his hand.
Due to some weird angle and lighting, the wings of the guy looked jet black for a split second. Everyone in the room who where looking at him when he left noticed that. One of them, a very religious student, after seeing that immediately crossed himself. "He really is the Antichrist" he thought. While the student just thought, "That idiot should just have his wings dyed black. That way, his wings matches his philosophy in life."
As the guy was walking on the sidewalk, approaching the overpass, he saw from afar a car moving very fast; swerving left and right, trying to overtake all cars in front of it. Then as the guy was walking in the middle of the overpass, he heard a very loud crash; the sound of metal being crumpled. When he looked down, he saw the reckless car had collided with a mini van. The scene before his eyes was a complete wreck; he could even see some blood dripping from the car. "That fucking driver," the guy thought, "I hope he loses all his legs and eyes so he wouldn't be able to drive again." Then as he was about to resume his walk towards the jeepney terminal, he heard a little girl crying, asking for her mother. The girl was covered in blood and seemed disoriented. She was swaying as she walked; arms outstretched, hoping to find protection from her mother.
While some of the bystanders were now ogling at the crash site, some of the drivers behind the site were now starting to get flustered because of the building traffic. There was enough space for only one car to pass through. Then the guy saw one car tried to pass through the site; moving at a high speed, hoping no one would notice. But as the car was about to pass through, the little girl suddenly went towards the direction of the moving car. Her hands still outstretched, still crying out her mothers name. The guy, without thinking, immediately jumped from the overpass and went towards the little girl. Some of the spectators gasped as they saw him flying. But he didn't notice any of that, his only thought was to save the girl. Then, as the bumper of the moving car was about to hit the little girl, white feathery wings blocked the view of the moving car for a split second. Then came the sound of a very loud thud; and feathers began to rain on the site. The little girl was saved, but the guy died. The guy with wings was able to fly; even just for a couple of seconds. But it had cost him his life.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Let's Play A Game
Hello you, I want to play a game. Throughout your whole life, you've made insignificant, meaningless decisions without any thoughts of their consequences. Now, I'm giving you a choice; a choice that would determine the future of the human race. The world now is now a nuclear wasteland; everybody is dead except for 16 people. There is a way to continue the human race; by living in a bunker until the radiation on the surface of the earth lowers. But there's a slight catch, only seven people would fit inside the bunker; the other nine would be left outside to die. Below is the list of the survivors; your task is to pick the seven people who would live inside the bunker.
1. A priest and theologian with AIDS
2. A lesbian yoga instructor
3. An impotent man and his son
4. A female doctor with drug problems
5. A male civil engineer with a history of mental instability
6. A female chemist who was responsible for the end of the world
7. A Hollywood actress
8. A male carpenter who murdered his whole family
9. A female mathematician and physicist who's a paraplegic
10. A male industrial engineer who's part of al-Queda
11. A female blind tailor
12. A gay but charismatic politician
13. A female high school teacher with breast cancer
14. A male corrupt lawyer
15. A female farmer who has an ovarian cancer
16. The Pope
Choose wisely because if you don't, it would spell the end of the human race. Let the games begin.
1. A priest and theologian with AIDS
2. A lesbian yoga instructor
3. An impotent man and his son
4. A female doctor with drug problems
5. A male civil engineer with a history of mental instability
6. A female chemist who was responsible for the end of the world
7. A Hollywood actress
8. A male carpenter who murdered his whole family
9. A female mathematician and physicist who's a paraplegic
10. A male industrial engineer who's part of al-Queda
11. A female blind tailor
12. A gay but charismatic politician
13. A female high school teacher with breast cancer
14. A male corrupt lawyer
15. A female farmer who has an ovarian cancer
16. The Pope
Choose wisely because if you don't, it would spell the end of the human race. Let the games begin.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Paglaki Ko, Gusto Kong Maging Isang… Pusa!
Paglaki Ko, Gusto Kong Maging Isang… Pusa!
Habang abala ang karamihan sa mga tao sa paghahanap ng kumpanya na mapapasukan para sa kanilang OJT o kaya naman para sa kanilang pinakaunang trabaho, nandito ako nagsasayang ng oras sa pag-iisip kung papaano matutupad ang pangarap ko na kanina ko lang ginusto – kung papaano maging isang pusa. Ganito kasi yung nangyari; habang hinihintay ko ang mga ka-grupo ko para sa gagawin naming interview (na wala din namang nangyari kundi paglilibot sa eskwelahan at pagkakaroon ng isang libreng handbook… may nakuha kaming libre? Ayus na pala yun), naisipan kong umupo sa isang bench na malapit sa lugar na pagtatagpuan namin. Sa harap ng bench na inuupuan ko ay may isang pusang sarap na sarap sa tulog niya. Inggit na inggit ako; muntik ko na ngang gisingin yung pusa dahil sa inggit pero di ko na ginawa dahil ayokong magulpi ng isang pusa. Sobrang nakakahiya nun; kung dinosaur pwede pa pero pusa, ayoko nun tsong. At dahil dun… wala na kong maisip na iba pang dahilan; gusto ko lang talaga na matulog kahit anong oras at kahit saan. Kaya gusto kong maging isang pusa. Wow ang astig, wala pa akong nasusulat na bastos kahit na kanina ko pa naisusulat ang salitang pusa; buti na lang hindi sa English ko isinulat to kundi sa title pa lang ay may bastos na agad akong nasabi.
Patalastas muna, marahil nagtataka ka kung bakit may pusa sa paaralan namin. Normal na ang mga pusa sa paaralan namin. At hindi lang pusa ang makikita sa eskwelahan namin. Mayroon ding mga ibon, paru-paro, palaka, butete (tadpole, mas masaya lang pakinggan ang salitang butete. Hindi pa counted yan na bastos), at sa tingin ko may ahas din dahil dapat matagal nang sinakop ng mga palaka ang Ateneo kung walang kumakain sa kanila. Mayroon ding mga Ninja Turtles at si Master Splinter; pero sa pagkakaalam ko na evict na sila dahil di sila bagay sa bagong library. Hindi daw pwedeng pumasok sa lib ang mga hindi nakasapatos. Ay oo nga pala, mayroon ding mga kuneho pero nakakulong lang sila. Walang eagle sa eskwelahan, pauso lang yung blue eagle. At sa pagkakaalam ko ay may mga tao din sa eskwelahan. Ayan, balik tayo sa regular na programa.
Gusto kong maging pusa (ang sama ng tingin sa kin ni Dog ngayon), dahil ang sarap ng buhay nila. Patulog-tulog lang kahit saan at kahit na anong oras. Kung magutom man ay nandyan lang ang cafeteria (nami-miss ko na ang salitang canteen) o kaya naman ay magpapa-sweet sa mga estudyante para makahingi ng pagkain. Kung mabagot, nandyan ang 3rd at 4th floor ng bagong lib para masurf ng net. Pwede ring magpatalbog-talbog ng mga pebbles sa Zen Garden. At kung di pa rin mawala ang pagkabagot, nandyan pa naman ang mga estudyante para kagatin at mga sangkatutak na libro para – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Kung gustong uminom ng alak, punta lang sa Cantina at Coastnet; wag na sa Drews, madumi daw dun. At kung gusto naman ng yosi ay nandyan lang ang mga smocket para makakuha ng second hand smoke. Di ba, ang saya ng buhay ng mga pusa. Walang kaproble-problema. Kumpleto na sila sa mga kailangan nila sa buhay. At kung di pa rin naman kuntento sa mga pangunahing pangangailangan ay pwedeng pwedeng holdapin ang mga estudyante. Ang sarap maging pusa! (sorry na Dog).
Habang abala ang karamihan sa mga tao sa paghahanap ng kumpanya na mapapasukan para sa kanilang OJT o kaya naman para sa kanilang pinakaunang trabaho, nandito ako nagsasayang ng oras sa pag-iisip kung papaano matutupad ang pangarap ko na kanina ko lang ginusto – kung papaano maging isang pusa. Ganito kasi yung nangyari; habang hinihintay ko ang mga ka-grupo ko para sa gagawin naming interview (na wala din namang nangyari kundi paglilibot sa eskwelahan at pagkakaroon ng isang libreng handbook… may nakuha kaming libre? Ayus na pala yun), naisipan kong umupo sa isang bench na malapit sa lugar na pagtatagpuan namin. Sa harap ng bench na inuupuan ko ay may isang pusang sarap na sarap sa tulog niya. Inggit na inggit ako; muntik ko na ngang gisingin yung pusa dahil sa inggit pero di ko na ginawa dahil ayokong magulpi ng isang pusa. Sobrang nakakahiya nun; kung dinosaur pwede pa pero pusa, ayoko nun tsong. At dahil dun… wala na kong maisip na iba pang dahilan; gusto ko lang talaga na matulog kahit anong oras at kahit saan. Kaya gusto kong maging isang pusa. Wow ang astig, wala pa akong nasusulat na bastos kahit na kanina ko pa naisusulat ang salitang pusa; buti na lang hindi sa English ko isinulat to kundi sa title pa lang ay may bastos na agad akong nasabi.
Patalastas muna, marahil nagtataka ka kung bakit may pusa sa paaralan namin. Normal na ang mga pusa sa paaralan namin. At hindi lang pusa ang makikita sa eskwelahan namin. Mayroon ding mga ibon, paru-paro, palaka, butete (tadpole, mas masaya lang pakinggan ang salitang butete. Hindi pa counted yan na bastos), at sa tingin ko may ahas din dahil dapat matagal nang sinakop ng mga palaka ang Ateneo kung walang kumakain sa kanila. Mayroon ding mga Ninja Turtles at si Master Splinter; pero sa pagkakaalam ko na evict na sila dahil di sila bagay sa bagong library. Hindi daw pwedeng pumasok sa lib ang mga hindi nakasapatos. Ay oo nga pala, mayroon ding mga kuneho pero nakakulong lang sila. Walang eagle sa eskwelahan, pauso lang yung blue eagle. At sa pagkakaalam ko ay may mga tao din sa eskwelahan. Ayan, balik tayo sa regular na programa.
Gusto kong maging pusa (ang sama ng tingin sa kin ni Dog ngayon), dahil ang sarap ng buhay nila. Patulog-tulog lang kahit saan at kahit na anong oras. Kung magutom man ay nandyan lang ang cafeteria (nami-miss ko na ang salitang canteen) o kaya naman ay magpapa-sweet sa mga estudyante para makahingi ng pagkain. Kung mabagot, nandyan ang 3rd at 4th floor ng bagong lib para masurf ng net. Pwede ring magpatalbog-talbog ng mga pebbles sa Zen Garden. At kung di pa rin mawala ang pagkabagot, nandyan pa naman ang mga estudyante para kagatin at mga sangkatutak na libro para – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Kung gustong uminom ng alak, punta lang sa Cantina at Coastnet; wag na sa Drews, madumi daw dun. At kung gusto naman ng yosi ay nandyan lang ang mga smocket para makakuha ng second hand smoke. Di ba, ang saya ng buhay ng mga pusa. Walang kaproble-problema. Kumpleto na sila sa mga kailangan nila sa buhay. At kung di pa rin naman kuntento sa mga pangunahing pangangailangan ay pwedeng pwedeng holdapin ang mga estudyante. Ang sarap maging pusa! (sorry na Dog).
Thursday, January 21, 2010
An Awesome Subject (Syllabus Collaboration)
AF 101: “Art” Film Appreciation
Course Syllabus
1st Semester, SY 2010
Francis Underwood C. King, ME
Sebastian E. Xavier, PhD
Course Description
“Art” Film Appreciation is the critical approach in viewing “art” films. Basically, what this course intends to do is open the mind of students when it comes to “art” films. Students will be equipped with the necessary knowledge, skills, and tools (hehehehehe) in understanding and analyzing “art” films. It also aims to teach students the methods and techniques in making/producing “art” films.
Course Objectives
At the end of the semester, the students should be able to:
1. Differentiate the principles and techniques presented by the Western and Eastern “art” films
2. Develop critical and analytical thinking when viewing “art” films
3. Analyze literary elements presented by such films (if there are any)
4. View “art” films as a respectable and profitable genre in cinema
5. View “art” films as more than just a form of entertainment; but as a work of art as well
6. Apply “art” films in everyday life
Course Contents
· Introduction to “art” films
· History of “art” films
o The first “art” film
o Censorship (bastards)
o Effects of “art” films in mainstream cinema and culture
· Western “art” films
o American
o European
· Eastern “art” films
o Japanese
o Bomba Films
· “Art” film animations
o Western
o Eastern
· Application of “art” films in everyday life
Course Outline and Timeframe
Date | Activity |
Week 1 | Class orientation Getting to know the class Expectation Setting Checking of “potentials” |
Week 2 | Discussion of course requirements Grouping for the final project |
Week 3 | What is “Art” Film 101 The current state of “art” films |
Week 4 | History of “art” films Evolution of “art” films through years |
Week 5 | Censorship (bastards) Current laws regarding “art” films |
Week 6 | Effects of “art” films in mainstream cinema and culture Different perspectives on “art” films |
Week 7 | Long Test 1 |
Week 8 | American “art” films Techniques and methods of American “art” films Production companies, organizations, and conventions Icons in Western “art” films |
Week 9 | European “art” films Techniques and methods of European “art” films Amsterdam Icons in European “art” films |
Week 10 | Long Test 2 |
Week 11 | Japanese “art” films Techniques and methods of Japanese “art” films Peculiar censorship of Japanese “art” films Icons in Japanese “art” films |
Week 12 | Filipino “art” films Techniques and methods of Filipino “art” films Bomba tapes during the martial law era Icons in Filipino “art” films |
Week 13 | Long Test 3 |
Week 14 | Western “art” film animation |
Week 15 | Eastern “art” film animation |
Week 16 | Application of “art” films |
Week 17 | Synthesis of lessons Consulation for the final project |
Week 18 | Final Exam |
Course References
Moore, A. (2006). Lost Girls. Georgia: Top Shelf Productions
Jameson, J. and Strauss, N. (2004). How to Make Love Like a Pornstar: A Cautionary Tale. New York: ReganBooks.
THE INTERNET
Other additional materials “provided” by the instructors
Course Requirements
Major Exams: 4 Long Tests = 40%
Major Papers: 4 Review Papers = 20%
Assignments and Class Participation = 10%
Group Project: Homemade Film (Giggity, giggity, goo!) = 30%
Grading System
A = 92% and above
B+ = 87 - 91
B = 83 - 86
C+ = 79 - 82
C = 75 - 78
D = 70 - 74
F = below 70%
W = more than 3 cuts
K (kickout) = no final project
Classroom Policies
1. 3 lates will be considered as 1 cut
2. Students are only allowed a maximum of 3 cuts
3. Submit a 2x2 picture by the 2nd meeting
4. Bring their own laptop to class
5. Must have a good internet connection and a functional browser
6. Must have a credit card account
7. Students must bring a DVD of their choice every meeting for show and tell
8. Use of cellular phones are only allowed for transfer of data
9. BYOT – Bring Your Own Tissue
10. Clean the mess before leaving the classroom
Class Hours
Every Friday, 6 – 9 PM
Consultation Hours
Anytime as long as you make an appointment. If you really need to consult and you don’t have an appointment, just bring something new to show us; that would serve as your password. No, you cannot contact us.
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